Final Fantasy X2 Bloopers
by VanG Ziggy ZA
Summary: Do video game characters get their lines right all the time? Not according to this fic!
1. Chapter 1

FINAL FANTASY X-2 BLOOPERS

**_Ziggy's Corner: Okay I did this one a few months ago, and pasted it on a forum site at _****_ This is where most of you who are familiar with some of my fics might have seen my early Xenosaga stories too. Anyway when I wrote this, it was in script form, and since does not allow for script form, from what I read anyway, I decided to transform it into a parody story. It's still a blooper reel from the game, just not in script mode anymore. There are massive cameos involved, from Star Wars, to Nickelodeon shows, to classic comic book heroes, and even some references to classic blooper movie lines. I hope you enjoy! _**

Chapter One

First Group of Bloopers: The opening chase scene.

Rikku and Paine chase after the Yuna imposter through the streets of Luca. She quickly looses them as she runs around a corner.

"Hey you run too fast," Rikku snapped, trying to catch her breath. She heard footsteps behind her, and she felt her heart race.

"You're too slow; little girl," came a raspy, sophisticated accent of a voice. A tall, thin man holding a gun stepped around the corner, behind the two women. Following him was a short, tubby man, with a thick fleshy face.

"Show's over," the short man said, his voice as heavy as his body and as thick as his skull. He raised a shield in their direction and smiled.

"Yeowch," Rikku squealed. They were out gunned that much was for sure. Paine grabbed onto the blonde girl's wrist and began pulling her in an opposite direction.

"This way," she snapped.

Paine turned and ran to the left and ended up running straight into a stack of boxes, bashing her face. There was stunned silence at first, and the crew and the director edged forward to see if the woman was alright. An irritated smile across her face indicated that all that was really hurt was her pride.

"Damn, that hurt," she said with a giggle.

Same scene, second take.

"This way," Paine said, trying it a second time. She turned and ran to the left, with Rikku right on her heels, but the next second she heard the blonde video game vixen squeak and saw the girl twirl on her toes, as she slipped on water.

She tried desperately to catch her footing, but somehow she managed to bump into Ormi and Logos, and the three ballet danced their way into the water below. As soon as they poked up their heads, the cast and crew roared with laughter and clapped their hands, giving the performers a perfect score of all tens.

Same scene, third take.

Paine tried to say her lines. She really wanted to say them, but she couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she looked at her soggy co-star. Finally she burst into hysterics that went on and on. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. They looked like a troupe of ballerinas," she managed to blurt out between gasps of air and more laughter.

Eventually, after more takes the poor woman, and half the crew could no longer stand on their feet anymore. Paine's face was redder than a sun burned tourist's skin, and she could only manage to kick her legs to get away from the delirious pain of the laughter as she howled with amusement.

"It wasn't that funny, you know," Rikku snapped irritably. She stomped a soggy foot and sighed as the cast and crew continued with the laughter well into the ninth take of the scene.

Same scene, ninth take.

No longer laughing, Paine tried it yet again. "This way." The two girls rushed to the left, toward Luca dock, with Ormi and Logos hot on their tail. It looked like the end of them right there, when a hail of bullets strike near their feet, and the two perform a tap dancing routine to keep themselves out of harms way.

Yuna stood there, holding two guns, crisscross. She couldn't help but feel cool in this new dress, holding these weapons, even if they were props, and hoped that this would raise her "hot babe" level with video game players. She was tired of being tenth banana to Tifa Lockheart (who was always bragging about her relationship to Heather Lockheart), Selphie Tilmitt, Quistis Trepe, or even her own cousin, Rikku.

She paused, trying to edge up the hipness of the scene and then rushed forward, firing her guns. Yuna leapt onto Ormi's back, to perform a back flip just as they had rehearsed time and time again, but to her horror she tripped over his shield and crashed on the ground.

Rikku felt her eyes widen and she rushed to her cousin. "Yunie, are you okay?" She groaned and gave thumbs up as the crew chuckled and others groaned with exasperation.

"Are we _ever_ going to get this shot right?" the director sighed with a smile.

Yuna rubbed the back of her hear and giggled, "Sorry."

Finally the scene was finished on the tenth take, and the director launched himself off of his chair. "It's about time. Cut! I've gotta take a crap!" He rushed off, mumbling something about how maddening it was about a twelve hour scene that should have been finished in twenty minutes.

Second group of bloopers: Mt. Gagazet the elevator scene.

Yuna approached the control of the elevator and looked at it. It was old, rusty and looked as if it was ready to collapse the next time someone tried to use it. "You think this Machina still works?" she asked her friends. The looked at each other and shrugged.

Yuna pushed the button, and frowned as nothing happened.

"Um, hello? Elevator?" Rikku looked around and shrugged at her cousin and friend. When nothing happened, she looked to the crew, who also shrugged. In a fit of frustration Rikku kicked elevator and groaned, leaping up and down on one foot, holding some very sore toes. "Oui pek cibet rayt. (You big stupid head)."

Same scene, second take.

The crew managed to get the elevator moving this time. It turned out that Yuna had been pushing the wrong button in the previous take.

The brunette looked around with her double colored eyes and put her arms behind her back. "I wonder how safe this is." Suddenly the elevator slowed down at a snail's pace and in the background a band began to play the Girl From Ipachima.

"Eww, elevator music." Rikku groaned.

"How lovely." Paine sighed, rolling her brown chocolate eyes.

Luckily the scene finished in three takes and only took forty-minutes to do. The director sighed blissfully as he laid on his massage table, and expert pressed into his back as he sipped his cappuccino.

LaBlanc introduces herself scene.

"Whose there?" Paine snapped. The rocks behind them had crumbled and rolled to the ground, and all three girls were on edge.

"Amateurs! They have no concept of what it means to be a true sphere hunter." A tall, scantily clad blonde walked toward them and placed her hands on her hips. LeBlanc looked at the girls for a moment and then frowned as they smiled at her. "What?" There were slight gaffs of giggles that floated around in the back ground, and Yuna shook her head. "WHAT!"

Paine stepped forward and extended her arm. "Um, I think you skipped a few lines."

As Leblanc realized what she had done she covered her face with her hands and screeched, her face blushing. "Oh no!" The crew burst into laughter, and that only made the poor young woman's face redder.

Same scene, take two.

"Whose there?" Paine growled, her hand ready to pull out her sword against any thief, vermin, or fiend that crossed her path.

Leblanc stepped out of the shadows, and quickly said the lines, "The thief." A second later she realized what she had done, and tried to fix it as quickly as possible. "Er, I mean, Lathief, um Thie, no. . . Ah crap!"

Now the crew was laughing so hard tears were coming from their eyes, and half of them had to be taken to emergency rooms to be operated on, so they could breathe yet again. Leblanc could only collapse and hold her hands to her face.

Same scene, take three.

Paine sighed, not quite sure what was going to happen, but they weren't paying her to just look pretty. She spun on her heels and narrowed her eyes. "Whose there?"

Leblanc stood there, obviously frustrated about something. She placed her hand on her forehead and rubbed it with all she could muster. She paced and opened her mouth, only to shut it again, and tapped her foot to the ground.

Yuna had seen this happen in the making of the first game. "You've forgotten your lines, haven't you?" she asked with a widening smile. The other woman looked up at her and groaned.

"Ah shit! Let's try it again. I promise to get it right this time, Colin," she said, looking at Whose Line is it Anyway actor Colin Macolry (the spelling is incorrect, but I'm not sure how to write his name).

The bald Canadian sighed and shrugged. "All right, let's try it again. It beats being the Snack Fairy in all those commercials anyway."

By the twelfth scene the young Al Bhed had had it. She stomped a foot and turned away from the set. "This is stupid; I'm going to my trailer."

But it was worse; the crew had diminished into just a handful of people, most of whom had laughed themselves into comas at the mistakes. Colin finally went off the deep end as the scene was finished on the fifty first take, and cheeked himself into a psyche clinic. His Whose Line Is It partner, Ryan Stiles took over as the director.

The Return to Besaid Island, as Wakka is taking them into the village.

"So you're a sphere hunter now... I heard the rumors. To tell you the truth, I wasn't too worried. Gotta say, though... You, uh, do seem pretty different." She did look different. She was a little taller, and her hair cut while a little creepy, was still kind of cute. Wakka shook his head. _Who goes around with a two foot long pony tail?_ Yuna giggled at him, as Rikku lightly elbowed his stomach.

"You haven't changed a bit, tubby!" she teased. That's what you get when you let the Besaidian at the head of the buffet table!

"Whoa! Cut it out, ya! I'm going to be a father soon. Got to have a little more presence, you know?"

As they walked and talked, they could hear a frantic islander screech, "Head's up!" A blitzball soared at the group, and before any of them could avoid it, nailed Wakka right in _his blitzballs_. Wakka groaned, his eyes should have grown, but they seemed to shrink, and he grabbed his gonads and collapsed to the ground. Yuna and Rikku gasped in horror, and bent down over him.

"Wakka are you all right?" Yuna stroked his shoulders and helped him as he tried not to vomit from the pain.

Rikku kept running up and down the beach, her eyes wider than they should have been, and she kept yelling the same thing over and over, "Ur so Kut! (Oh my God!)."

Wakka rose to his feet, and looked at Yuna and the rest of the crew. When he finally managed to get his words out they came in tiny squeaks, as if he was speaking like Mickey Mouse high on helium. "Well, guess that's the only kid, I'm gonna have, ya?" The crew burst into laughter, and clapped as Wakka retook his place. But not before knocking some sense into the cast member who had sent the ball into him in the first place.

Scene finished in two takes.

The scene where they talk to Lucil at Youth League Headquarters.

Lucil was an excellent commander, and a brave soldier, but she was still loyal to a tee to the organization she belonged to. Rikku pondered her words for a moment and then crossed her arms. "The Thief League?"

Lucil laughed and shook her head, "No, I don't think anyone would go that far." No one in her unit would dare steal a sphere, after the words had come from her lips, an extra sneaked by carrying a sphere under his arms.

Lucil stood there; blank faced, and then began to laugh. "Although I could be wrong about that."

Scene finished in two takes.

The discussion scene with Clasko.

Clasko stood there, his eyes doe like and innocent, but hurt. "That's it. Every time I try something new, I screw it up. I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I belong. I've spent my whole life drifting from one failure to the next. But, I can't keep doing this forever. I know that there's a place for everyone in this world-even someone as sad and pathetic as me. Lady Yuna! I want to find my place! Please, allow me to ride on your airship!"

Yuna smiled and nodded her head, "The more the merrier!"

Clasko nearly leapt out of his boots, and his mood changed greatly. "Thank you so much! I'll find my true calling, you'll see!" He began walking with the girls, and then let go a large, high squeaking fart.

Rikku stopped and gagged, waving her hand over her face, "Rumo Cred! (Holy Shit!)"

Yuna bit her lips, trying very hard not to laugh and hurt Clasko's feelings. "There's nothing holy about that!"

Paine could hardly contain herself, and didn't even try. "I guess that his true calling is from nature." The three women giggled, along with the crew, and poor Clasko looked like he was going to die.

Scene finished in one take, the fart is edited out.

Gippal interviews the girls' scene.

Gippal eyed the three young women, though he knew two of them very personally. "You, uh, here for an interview?"

Yuna nodded her head. "Uh-huh."

"The great high summoner wants an interview?"

Yuna frowned, looking into the camera for a moment. _Gotta prove I can be dramatic too_. "Former summoner."

Gippal blinked and crossed his arms. _She's being awefully dramatic about this._ "Hm. All right, follow me."

Yuna's group followed Gippal outside of the temple. Outside, Yuna's group approaches the bridge where Gippal is.

"Never been this close to a celebrity before."

"That's nice."

Gippal smiled and edged close to the woman, he could smell her breath, and he sighed. "I could get used to this."

Yuna decided to play an innocent little girl, feeling victimized by unwanted attention. "Let's not."

Gippal shrugged and turned to Rikku. "Well, if it isn't Cid's girl. How you been?"

Rikku stomped a foot and glared "Hey, I have a name!"

Gippal smiled and crossed his arms. "Brother doin' okay?"

"Same as ever. Buddy's around, too."

Gippal shook his head. "Same as ever is right." He turned to Yuna and then looked at Paine, forcing back his own smile. _Time to prove I can be dramatic too! _ "You!"

"Paine. Nice to meet you."

Gippal blinked, and smiled again. "Uh-huh?"

"We're here for the interview."

Gippal's smile changed, and he lowered his head. "Well if that's what you really want." Gippal and Paine grabbed each other and began making out fast and furious. The crew gasped, staring at each other and then started laughing.

Yuna's jaw dropped and she could only laugh. "What the hell?"

Gippal took a break and looked up at Yuna and Rikku, sporting a very happy and mischievous grin."What? This is how I interview gorgeous young women." He also knew it didn't hurt that Paine was his real world wife either.

Same scene, take two.

Gippal and Paine dropped to the ground and continued making out as the cameras rolled. Finally Ryan seemed to have enough. He rose from his director's chair and picked up his megaphone. "Cut!"

Gippal looked up at him and grinned. "I'm not stopping."

Scene finished in three takes.

Yuna and the girls meet up with Isaaru at Yunalesca's chamber scene.

Isaaru walked up the steps, after the little test he had given the girls and sighed. Yuna frowns at him, and not because it asked her to in the script, he had gotten a part that she had wanted to in an anime voice over.

"Um, what are you doing?" Isaaru attempted to say his line, but as he walked up the steps, he accidentally stepped on a monkey's tail, and slipped back down them.

Yuna's eyes widen and she shook her head. "Isaaru!"

Rikku and Paine rushed after him, both girls staring down the stairs. A few minutes later a few crew members rushed toward it, with paramedics ready. "Are you all right?" the girls asked. The crew members helped the battered man up the steps, and the red headed man gave them a thumbs up and a weak smile.

Same scene, second take

"Um, what are you doing?"

"My job. I bring excitement to those who come to see this sacred place." As he was speaking a monkey skittered near him. "I too once traveled with the hope of seeing . . .," the monkey paused, looked at the camera, and decided to skitter a little closer to him, .". . . this place one day. Working here somehow, …," at that word the monkey decided to launch her attack, and scrambled up his pant leg, causing the man to stumble and do a jig as he tried to get the animal out. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

The crew burst into hysterics, and could barely hold themselves together as they tried to help him get the little animal out of the pants. As they worked Isaaru could only laugh and look at the crew, "I knew she liked me but this is ridiculous!" Finally the monkey was removed with the use of a banana.

Same scene, take three

Isaaru stumbled forward, his legs and back hurting from the previous two takes. Though he had loyalty to the cast and crew he had begun to wonder if this was all worth it, after all there was always an opening for the movie, Final Fantasy 2: The Spirit of Gaia Strikes Back. And he'd get to met Aki Ross, another plus!

The tall man sighed, fixed his pants and his hair, and looked at the camera. ". . . I too once traveled with the . . .," as he spoke the same monkey decided to play with him, and leapt at his face with a high piercing screech. Before anyone could do anything about it, the monkey crawled under his shirt.

Isaaru was furious; he kicked and screamed, looking at his laughing co-worker. "Oh come on people!" Another monkey decides to take the offensive and rushes up his pant legs as the crew laughed their asses off. Isaaru's eyes grew wide and he kicked wildly, grimacing in pain. "Hey, that's not a banana!"

Off screen, Ryan Stiles was rubbing his throbbing head and looked at the scene unfolding. "Someone take care of the monkeys' please!"

Same scene, take four

Now Isaaru was irritated beyond belief. How he wished he had taken that part in the second Final Fantasy movie. "I too traveled with the hope of seeing this place one day, working here somehow fulfils that wish."

"I see."

"I must apologize for the quiz. Here's something for your trouble." Isaaru handed Yuna the Heart Reborn Garment Grid, and while the cameras were rolling, also gave her the bird.

"'Kay! Thanks for coming! And remember, the ruins of Zanarkand will be waiting! Isaaru turned around and walked of the scene, not seeing the young Yuna's answer to his "bird", in the form of the "double guns".

Paine shook her head, and said her lines. "Ex-summoners come in all flavors."

Yuna's eyes brightened in a dark fashion, and she giggled, "Apparently Isaaru's is banana!" The crew and cast screamed with laughter, while Isaaru criticized her comedic remark off screen.

The girls find the broken sphere under Zanarkand scene.

Rikku looked tired and rubbed her arms as the cool air on the set, "We done here?"

Paine looked at the two girls and held out a small circularly device. "The sphere oscillo-finder picked up a signal. There should still be a sphere nearby."

"Oh."

Yuna nodded. "Right."

"Okay, let's try this again." Yuna's group moved on. In the area with a sphere...

Rikku smiled, and leapt into the air as she spied it. There was a reason she had replaced Tifa Lockheart in the hearts and minds of every man on the planet who were video game players, and she meant to keep it that way. "Aha! Found you!"

The ground began to shake, and something behind them hissed wildly as white smoke appeared from the darkness. Paine eyed the floor, and felt shivers run up her spine. "We're not alone."

Rikku looked at them and shrugged. "Think we need a password?"

Paine grimaced and held her sword chest level. "How about "kick...its...ass.""

The Guardian Beast stalked towards them, then paused and fell down, as its lower jaw slipped off of its upper one. High above the set an intercom burst to life, and a man's voice filled the whole studio. "The Guardian Beast is broken, repeat, the Guardian Beast is broken."

Rikku giggled and rolled her eyes. "Well duh!"

Yuna giggled as she looked at the broken machine and her eyes twinkled. "Hope you got a good warrantee for it!"

Three weeks later, the Guardian Beast is fixed, and the scene is finished on the second take.

Nooj addresses his followers outside of Kilika scene

Nooj looked at the large crowd of extras and a few important players and nodded his head. "Greetings, friends! An important sphere is hidden in Kilika Temple. A sphere documenting the true history of Spira. We are here today to demand that New Yevon make the contents of that sphere public. Yet, as always, the voice seeking truth goes ignored. My friends, I ask you: why?"

A very small girl in the crowd rose forward with an angry fist, clearly being overcome by the scene. "Because they're all stupid, ugly, stinky breath, poopie heads!" The cast and crew looked at the small girl and burst into hysterical laughter.

Nooj could not help but laugh as well. He loved children, how innocent and truthful they always were. Unlike his character in the game, he was a prankster, full of jokes and mirth, and when he was a small boy he wanted to be a clown. He chuckled again, "Well, I suppose that's one way of putting it."

Same scene, take two.

Nooj hobbled forward, his metal leg fake, but his cane and limp very real. ". . .My friends, I ask you. . .," he said, trying to finish the line. At that moment someone let loose a massive, earth shattering belch.

Paine held her nose and batted the air from her face, "Cute."

Nooj tried to continue his dialogue amongst laughter and moans, finally let the smell get to him, and he could not contain the humor within. "What in the hell crawled down your throat last night?" There were a few bits of laughter, and a few moans at his joke, and then they all set up for a third take.

Scene finished in three takes.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Ziggy's Corner: Okay, three responses, lol, kind of seems just like it was with the original script format back at rpgclassics! Now for my reviewer mail! Interesting enough you all had the same question, so here we go:_**

_**Janiqua: My first reviewer of this story! Thanks for the vote of optimism, and to be honest, I do not know why everything was underlined. Perhaps it's because I changed from script to story form? Or perhaps was being all goobered up that day. I'm going to submit a chapter at a time, and hopefully get some feedback as to what is happening with each chapter. **_

_**I've got a secret: So what's the secret? Lol, anyway thanks for the praise of that line. I was hoping Wakka's scene would be funnier, but I also expected my fans to love Issaru's as well. What did you think of his "actor's" rivalry with Yuna? Again, I do not know what was going on with the first chapter, so hopefully when I submit this one, it will be normal. I hope you enjoy it!**_

_**Warui-Usagi: Love the name, are you Oriental, or is the name just a tip of the hat to something oriental? Anyway, thanks for enjoying the chapter, and for the review. And again, sigh I have no idea why everything is underlined! If I had direct access to the net I would so be on it to fix the problem if I could. But since I have no direct access, if you fans would be so kind as to let me know if the second chapter is also underlined completely, I would very much appreciate it.**_

**_Anyway the second chapter picks up a little steam, I'm confident that you'll get more laughs out of it than the first, so here we go! _**

Chapter Two

Second group of bloopers – Yuna's Nightmare

Yuna and Tidus ran through the halls of underground Bevelle, trying to catch their collective breaths. Behind them they could hear the armed forces of the Warrior Monks of Bevelle. The two lovers looked at each other, and Tidus yanked Yuna by her arm, dragging her into a massive room, where they were finally cornered.

Tidus and Yuna held each other and a bright light flicker on. Behind them was the same machina that she saw in the sphere. The soldiers aimed, and readied themselves.

Soldiers cocked their guns and then began shouting, "Bang, bang, bang," at the top of their lungs.

Yuna and Tidus looked at them in shock at first, and then with sly smiles pretended to fall to the floor. Yuna hit the ground first, and Tidus catches his breath.

"Oh my God, they killed Yuna!"

Ryan Stiles smiled and shot to his feet, "You bastards," he playfully roared at the actors playing the monks. The cast and crew burst into laughter and Ryan with a chuckle slit his hand over his neck, telling the camera men to stop filming.

Scene ends in two takes.

Nooj confronts the Gullwings in his tent scene:

Nooj looked at the girls, blinking. "So, did you watch it?"

Rikku began fidgeting and pacing from foot to foot. "Well um, you see... I, uh... Um, uh... Heheh?"

Yuna couldn't tell a lie, and would not tell a lie, that was the way her character was written, it was also the way she was really raised. The only little white fib she ever told was about her age, which was actually twenty-five. "We did."

"Forget."

"I'm afraid I cannot."

Paine looked at her friend and put her hands on her hips. "Yuna! Don't let him push you around."

Nooj sighed and shook his head. "Some advice: That...thing... The colossus you saw is known as Vegnagun. It possesses overwhelming destructive power. . . .," he stated drolly.

Rikku giggled mischievously and put her hands behind her back. "So it's a weapon of mass destruction then?"

Nooj blinked and stared at the girl. She was ad libbing, and poking some fun at American politics. With a playful grin of his own, and before the director could call cut, he nodded. "It is."

Rikku smiled, her eyes twinkling darkly. "So, like, does George W. Bush know about it?" The crew groaned at the bad joke, but Ryan chuckled.

Paine smiled, playing along. She shielded her eyes with her hands and looked off into the distance, toward the Bikenal Desert set. "Is that Marines I see coming?"

Ryan shook his head. "Naw, no oil fields for him to capture, even if there's a weapon of mass destruction."

Same scene: take two.

Yuna cocked her head and blinked. "Tell me... Who was the man I saw in the sphere?"

Nooj knew he couldn't let the hard day's work get to him. They had been working so hard, they deserved some humor. "Looks like a harmless little fuzz ball to me."

Paine giggled and narrowed her eyes at the sphere, "Damn Rush Limbaugh's really lost a lot of weight!"

Rikku rolled her eyes and lowered her head, as she whispered, "Crazy person of mass destruction."

Nooj decided to keep the joke running, Ryan wasn't angry, and the cast and crew seemed to enjoy what was going on. "Isn't that Orson Wells' title?"

Ryan finally knew the scene was ruined, at least for this take, and if he didn't do something, it would never make the game. "Focus people! And for the record, Crazy person of mass destruction belongs to William Shatner. Or maybe Mel Brooks."

Rikku nodded her head indignantly. "That's a Republican for you."

Nooj's mouth dropped and he crossed his arms. "Hey! I happen to be a Republican!"

Paine kicked her co-star and groaned at the girl's comment. "So do I!"

Yuna decided to ignore Ryan's whine of complaint, and kept the gag rolling. Still, Paine, a REPUBLICAN! She shook her head and giggled. "I'm a Libertarian." Everyone looked at her in shock, and she suddenly felt like she should have kept her mouth shut.

"And you haven't been committed why?" Rikku asked with a roll of her eyes.

Yuna felt insulted at her cousin's tone, and decided to toss the blitzball back into her court. "And what party do you belong to?"

Rikku giggled yet again and threw her bare arms into the air, waving them like batons. "The East Coast party! Cause an East Coast party don't stop!"

Lucil sat, sipping some coffee, off screen, and frowned. "Isn't that a West Coast Party!" she called out.

Yuna tapped her foot and folded her arms. "Rikku, seriously."

The teenage Al Bhed sighed and looked at the ground. "Fine, I've decided to register with the Reform Party."

Paine hissed and threw her own bare arms in the air. "Oh, yeah, talk about being needed to be committed. One candidate who can't decide if he wants to run or not, and another who leaves _my_ party for convictions set forth in the nineteenth century.

Rikku gasped and looked at the older girl. "Hey!"

Ryan groaned and began rubbing his temples, "Come on guy's focus!"

Yuna giggled and nodded, "Don't forget Jesse Ventura!"

Rikku sighed and held her head in he own hands. "Why do I even bother?"

Before they knew it, the crew had erupted into political arguments that lasted far into the night. Then Ryan later tried to flush himself down the toilet, and was committed the next day.

Colin looked at his old Whose Line member, gave him a big wet sloppy kiss, and then asked, "So, how was it?"

"They're horrible," Ryan cried, as Colin rocked him to sleep.

Scene finished in two takes.

The Luca Interview Scene

Shelinda swallowed and brushed red hair out of her face, looking at Wayne Brady sitting in the director's chair. "Hello, and good afternoon, Luca! This is Shelinda, bringing you all the latest news from throughout Spira. These days, everyone's talking about the groups battling throughout Spira for control of the spheres. Let's start with the Youth League. From its leader Meyvn Nooj on down, their ranks are made up mostly of former Crusaders. Fresh off the attack on Kilika Temple, the Youth League is sending shockwaves throughout Spira. Pairing off against them is none other than New Yevon. All eyes were on them after the New Yevon chairman's sudden resignation. Chaos seemed inevitable. But their newly appointed leader, Praetor Baralai, has held them together with utmost finesse. Another group turning a lot of heads is the Machine Faction, an Al Bhed organization. They've managed to distance themselves from the sphere struggle embroiling Spira. But their unmatched technological prowess could well be enough to dramatically shift the balance of power. And let's not forget the Leblanc Syndicate, the gang with a style all its own. Headquartered at Chateau Leblanc in Guadosalam, its agents span the globe. But lately there's one group in particular that's been drawing all kinds of attention. That's right, the only group led by a high summoner, the Gullwings! And now, here's today's special guest! High Summoner Yuna!

Yuna blinked and looked around. She hadn't expected this, it wasn't even in the script! "Huh?"

Paine patted her on the back. "Break a leg."

Yuna began to walk towards Shelinda and tripped on pool of water. She screamed and snapped her leg, crying in agony.

Paine slapped her face and sighed. "I didn't mean that literally DAMN ITTTTTT!"

Same Scene Take two, weeks later.

Paine bit her lips, hoping not to see a sequel to the incident that happened, "Break a leg."

Shelinda breathed with a gasp of relief as the woman made it to her side. "Lady Yuna, your concert the other day was nothing short of spectacular!"

"Well, it was sort of me up there, but not exactly..."

Shelinda blinked and frowned, but shrugged it off. After all, after the first game ended, she began a newswoman for real, only to come back for the sequel because of her love of the cast. "Puzzling words, to be sure. And speaking of puzzling, why the sudden career change to sphere hunting? It sounds like you caused quite a stir with that disappearing act you pulled on Besaid."

Yuna nodded her head, "And I'm very sorry about that."

Shelinda continued to go on the attack, hoping for a Pultzer Prize. "Rumor has it that you left Besaid Island looking for clues to the appearance of a certain young man. Anything you care to share with us?"

Yuna nodded. "That's right."

Shelinda smiled and bent her head forward, "So, tell us about him."

Yuna smiled playfully. "Well, he's kind of blonde, five foot two, eyes of blue. . .,"

Paine sighed and leaned against a building. "She's going to break into song, isn't she?"

Rikku could help but giggle. Of course that was because a young boy in the crowd had poked her in her sides again and again. The Al Bhed shooed the boy away and looked at the other woman. "She could at least try a song from her own generation."

Wayne smirked and shook his head, determined not to end up like his old Whose Line mates. "Yuna, behave!"

Yuna looked at the tall black man and smiled, "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Same Scene take three.

"Rumor has it you left the island looking for clues about a certain young man. Anything you can share with us?"

Yuna nodded and smiled, "That's right."

"So, tell us about him."

Before she could say anything, Tidus walked up with a Humphrey Bogart swagger, wearing a gray trenchcoat, and sighed.

Tidus tried to do his best Humphrey Bogart accent, "Of all the interviews in all the towns in Spira, she has to walk into mine."

Wayne was starting to get angry now. "Will you kids please, FFFFFFFOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUSSSSSSS! Damn it anyway! I'm beginning to see why there hasn't been a send up sequel to a Final Fantasy game yet."

Cloud Strife walked up and took the mike from Shelinda. "This is a travesty! This is why there should have been a FINAL FANTASY VII sequel in the first place."

Zell Dincht pumped his fist off screen, and screeched at the top of his lungs, "The HELL IT SHOULD!" With a flash of movement, he rushed passed the hero of FF7, took the mike. "Everyone knows there should be a FINAL FANTASY VIII-2! There are too many plot holes in our script not to be."

Cloud frowned and groaned and crossed his arms, "Like what!"

"Like the fact that no one knows if Ultimicia and Rinoa are the one and the same! Or that no one knows who Ellone's parent's are."

Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes. Meanwhile Shadow of FF6 fame snuck up behind Zell and pasted a kick the Chicken-Wuss paper on Zell's back.

Tidus was screaming at the top of his lungs, his eyes watering. "HEY THIS IS OUR GAME! GET YOUR OWN GOD DAMNED SEQUELS."

Some how Aeris Gainsborough managed to get onto the set and shouted back, "At least you get to come back, I was killed off early in my game!"

Tidus turned to her and pointed a finger, "_You_ got to make a cameo in Tactics and played in Kingdom Hearts, I had to stand aside to let some snot nosed kid take my place in that game."

Aeris ran her fingers through her hair and smiled. "Ah, Kingdom Hearts, who knew Goofy was such a good kisser?"

Cloud looked at the girl and felt his heart drop. "WHAT THE FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!"

Then Goofy stomped on screen, pointing a figure at the girl. "Now look here, little lady, that was supposed to be a secre. . . ," Goofy tripped over a power cord and plummeted into the ocean near Luca bay, taking out the entire cameras and set up.

Goofy cried out his famous panic laugh as he fell. "YEEEEEEEHHHEEEEEHHAAAAAAAHHOOOOOOOOOE!"

Rikku looked at the chaos and groaned "Okay now I'm getting totally weirded out." Then she turned to the boy in the crowd and frowned, "And would you stop poking me?"

Donald Duck came waddling past, shaking his feathered fist at the clumsy dog. "You big Balooka! Look what you've done now!"

Yuna looked at her cousin, "Seriously." Then she had to deal with the poking fingers of the boy. "Look, if you want to annoy someone, go bother Rikku again, and go for her ribs. She's seriously sensitive there."

"Yunie, no!" Rikku screeched. Too late, as dozens of children surrounded the Al Bhed and poked and prodded her until she wet her pants as she rolled on the floor, laughing.

By now Wayne had wished he had not taken this job, and demanded that security take everyone out who was not supposed to be there.

Scene finished in four takes.

Mount Gagazet hot springs bathing scene.

The girls rose to play fight, after Rikku annoyed both Yuna and Paine about their suits one time too many. Yuna slipped behind Rikku and put her into a full nelson.

Paine smiled wickedly and crossed her arms, "Where were we?"

Rikku wiggled to get away from her cousin's gasp, and when she couldn't, began to plead. "I didn't mean it!"

Paine & Yuna smiled, "Too late!" While play fighting, Yuna's group received a transmission from Brother.

"Yuna, what's all the noise?"

Yuna looked up at the sky, nearly being blinded by the bright lights of the set. "Just taking a little dip."

"Y meddma teb! (A little dip!) Code pink! I'll be there right now!" Brother's body dropped from the sky, totally naked as he screams at the top of his lungs.

Rikku screamed at the top of her lungs as he slashed back first into the water, and sank really, really, slowly. "So aoac! SO AAAOOOAAAACCCC! E'S PMEHT! (My eyes! MY EEEYYYEEEESSSS! I'M BLIND!)."

George W. Bush wagged a finger and shook his head, "That is totally unacceptable for a game of this rating!" As he walked onto the set, Wayne Brady and the emperor of Japan, and ex-president Bill Clinton stormed by with him. Why they were all there, who knows, but this is why it's called a blooper story.

George Bush wagged his finger yet again, ignoring Wayne's protest. "This country is sick, it needs to be added to the Axis of Evil! There better not be any oil in this country!

Wayne sighed and tapped him on his shoulder, "Er, Mr. President, this is a movie set, for a video game."

The emperor of Japan sighed and bowed in apology for the President Bush. "You just can't take him anywhere anymore without him wetting the ground like this," the emperor said. He looked at George and smacked him in the head for wetting the ground as he fussed in rage. "Bad boy, bad, no president treats for you at all."

Meanwhile, Bill Clinton was busy gawking at a bikini clad Rikku. "You know, I'm looking for a new intern for my new business venture, can you type?" _Damn she's a cutie, but why are they all wearing more clothes in their swimming suites than in their normal street clothing?_

Before she could answer that she was totally creeped out, Hilary Clinton came out of no where and beat the living hell out of him, finishing him off with a Big Bang Attack. "My training with Vegeta has paid off, now I'm off to challenge Goku in the world martial arts championship." Hilary Clinton powered up, screaming as raw yellow energy pulsed through her veins. A light blasts and when it cleared, Hilary was floating in the air, covered with dark blonde hair, a monkey tail, and squinted green eyes, her hair on her head was ten feet long. She screamed again, and flew off into the distance.

Wayne wanted to be angry, but words escaped him. "Wow, who knew Hilary Clinton was a Saiyin all this time?"

George W. Bush stomped his foot and glared in the direction of Hilary. "That's not fair, I wanted to challenge Goku!"

He tapped a button on his watch and Ben Stein came out of no where, right along with Rush Limbaugh, Dick Chaney, and his brother Jeb. They posed for a few minutes and then all pushed buttons on their watches.

Another flash of light, and they became multicolored superheros in spandex. Then the face of Pope John Paul II flashed overhead in the sky and looked down at them.

Pope J.P.II spoke like Zordon from the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers show, "Conserva Rangers, the world is in danger, the evil nation of France is forcing everyone to eat their croissants, buy their cheap cologne, and feed their poodles, you must go to Paris and stop this madness at once!"

A large mecha harmless little fuzzball, a large flying saber, a robotic sign with a picture of the courts crossed out, a robotic one hundred dollar bill, and a walking oil can came out of no where and the "heroes" left to save the day.

Bill Clinton blinked and looked at everyone on the set. "Paris? Wait, I want to come with you, I've always wanted to meet her."

The emperor of Japan slapped Bill Clinton in the head as he shook his own. "Paris, France, you idiot, not Paris Hilton!"

Paine scratched her own head and blinked, "Is there anyone here that knows what's going on, or am I the only one who's confused?" The crew shook their heads, and tried the scene again.

Scene finished in three takes.

_**Okay so that's part two. What do you all think? Is it still good? And more importantly, is everything normal, or still all underlined, because as I look at this, it is very much, non underlined at the moment. Anyway review, if there is no underlines with this, you can expect to see the next three chapters at one, if not, then you can expect to see only chapter three. **_

Okay I just wanted you all to know that I had gotten a cold earlier this month, and now my monitor is really nasty, it looks like it is going to fall right off, and the computer repair guy simply made things worse. I'll try to update as soon as possible, maybe in May, but do not hold me to that, as my time is not my own in updates. I just promise to do the best that I can. And again, please let me know if everything in this second chapter is underlined or not. Thanks in advance.


	3. Chapter 3

Ziggy's Corner: New file, new computer, a whole lot of work! Anyway, cool, now I have five reviews as I write this announcement, and the second chapter was underline-less! (Is that even a WORD!) Anyway just as I said the whole enchilada is coming up next, as all I have to do is switch it from script to story mode, and then copy it from my printed papers to this new computer. Again, a whole lot of work! I wish I could directly thank you all in this chapter, but new rules changed everything, so please accept my thanks. To all those who reviewed, you know who you are J!

CHAPTER THREE

Third group of Bloopers -- Trouble in the Temples Scene

Yuna's group boarded the Celsius set and the crew activated the alarm as they walked onto the bridge. Buddy looked at the with wide, Al Bhed eyes. "Trouble, and I mean big time! Fiends are pouring out of the temples!"

Rikku looked at the black Al Bhed and frowned, "Which ones?"

Brother threw his arms in the air like he just didn't care and vibrated his body, "Only all of them! It's a freakin' state of emergency! What should we do?"

Yuna looked puzzled. The game was at the half way marker, and she had yet to consider f she should take up the offer to play a role in the FFX-3 movie, or pose for Final Girls Gone Naughty.

"Is it Gullwing time?" Brother asked.

Shinra shook his head back and forth, "Not exactly sphere hunter work."

Buddy nodded thoughtfully, "True. But seeing Yuna out there could calm people down."

Paine stomped a foot and put her hands on her hips, "They'll expect her to do the dirty work."

"Yeah, but Yunie wants to help," Rikku added, looking at her cousin. "Don't you?"

Everyone looked down, this story bumming them out, the chance of success starting to lower by each day. Brother had to resort to dumpster diving to find his meals, Paine had agreed to participate in the Surreal Life, and the game wasn't even out yet! Only Rikku had managed to keep all her jobs and popularity from fading, and she was being sued by Tara Strong for personality infringement.

The young, pretty Al Bhed smiled and bounced up and down, "Hey, I got an idea! We can be 'Your Friendly Neighborhood Gullwings'!" All of a sudden Stan Lee and Spider Man appeared out of no where. Stan Lee reached into his pocket and pulled out some papers. "My lawyers have asked me to deliver this too you as fast as I could."

Buddy crossed his arms and sighed, "Um, what is it?"

Shinra looed at the paper and back at the group, "It's a picture of Stan Lee in tight, small blue and white undergarments!" he said with a shudder. He looked at the comic mogel and kicked his shin. "Pervert, I'm just a kid."

"Oops. Sorry about that, "Stan Lee said, snatching the papers from the boy's hands, and delivering a new group of legal pages. "These were for my wife for our anniversary, to meake up for that fiasco of creating Striperella."

"Hey, I auditioned for that show!" Rikku said, much to the disgust of everyone around.

"You do know what it was about, right?" Yuna asked.

The blonde Al Bhed frowned, and tapped her foot, "Um, about a super hero?" she asked hesitantly. Her cousin leaned over and whispered in her ear. "EWWWWWW!"

"So what is the new paperwork, Shinra?" Wayne Brady asked.

"Didn't you leave?" TheShoelessOne, Vanguard Ziggy's ultimate number one fan asked, appearing out of no where.

"He couldn't remember who was the last director, so he put me in," Wayne said.

"It's a lawsuit, for using the words Friendly Neighborhood, so and so. We're being sued for fifty thousand dollars."

Wayne sighed and silently cursed, "Could anything else go wrong?" He stepped off his chair, and pulled a string from a piano, and then tried to hang himself with it. Spiderman quickly shot a web, and stopped him from doing so.

"So what if we pay you thirty percent roalyties to use those words?" Yuna suggested.

Stan Lee frowned and tapped his foot, "Makie it thirty for each word, and you have a deal."

"Twenty-five," she snapped.

He wasn't about to be out dickered, "Twenty-seven," he quipped.

"Twenty-six and I don't gut insect boy here," Paine said, holding a blade to Spider-Man's throat, the poor ero cursing that his spider sense did not work in this world.

Stan Lee sighed, "Fine." They signed the paperwork, and Spider-Man and Stan Lee left.

Scene finished in two takes.

Yuna and Company view sphere after trying to cheer up LeBlanc scene

Logos sighed and looked at the present company, "Whatever this Vegnagun thing is, it's clearly dangerous. Nothing the likes of we sphere hunters have any business fooling around with. But if the boss knew Nooj were involved, well, there'd be no stopping her. If anything were to happen to her …"

Rikku cocked her ehad, "You guys got it rough, don't you?"

He nodded, "If only she noticed."

Yuna's group received Logos' and Ormi's Spheres. Yuna searched tge set and saw another sphere. "Is this one from Bevelle too?"

"Ooh, been taking naughty pictures again?" Rikku teased.

Logos frowned and answered gruffly, "I didn't shot this one. I found it."

Yuna turned the sphere on and watched as the recording played. A gray haired man in a red sweater walked through a brown wooden door. He turned to the camera and smiled.

"Hello, won't you be my neighbor?" the man asked the sphere audience.

Rikku grabbed her head and ran out of the room screaming at the top of her lungs. Wayne Brady screamed, "CUT! Who has been recording PBS again?"

Same scene, take two.

Yuna turned on the sphere, and this TIME, they saw … A dork of a man, wearing light gray suit, red tie, and a short brown hair, sitting on a chair with eyes, a mouth, and moving arm rests. The set around him was like a club house, but was extremely corny. He wiggled and giggled as the chair tickled him playfully. He tried to stand up, but the giggling chair, brushed his back to her cushion, and continued the tickling.

Yuna stood motionless, unable to take her eyes off the sphere. "Pee-Wee's Play House?"

Paine looked almost as aghast as her cast member, and she shook her head. "This show won numerous Emmy's for children's programming?"

"I don't know, it's kind of cute, don't you think?" Rikku giggled.

Pee-Wee looked at her and smiling shifted his weight. "Chairy, she said cute! That's the secret word of the day!" he said in a nasally, annoying voice. Everyone on the set of the series screamed and the camera focused on my extreme close ups as the word cute flashed on the screen over and over again.

"And now I see why he was arrested at the theater," Paine said.

"It does make sense," Yuna said with a nod of her head.

Same scene, take three

Yuna viewed the sphere. In this recording …

A young woman in a nineteen seventies hairstyle looked through a magnifying glass. "And I see Laura, and Peach, and Daisy, and Carmelita, and Ashlin, and Rikku, and …,"

Rikku leapt out of her skin at the mention of her name, "Ooh, ooh! She's seen me! I've waited forever for her to see me!" she turned to see a dozen or so horrified and shocked faces.

"Just how old are you, anyway?" Paine asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rikku shrugged, clueless, "What, so I watched Romper Room when I was really little, who cares?"

Yuna giggled, "And here I thought I was the older cousin."

Same scene, take four.

Yuna viewed the sphere, praying to Yevon that nothing wrong would happen. In the recording …

An elderly man with a Julius Ceasar type hair cut and a red varsity jacket appeared on the screen. Wayne was nearly ready to yank his eyes out, or tear out his brain, whiever would have come out faster, "Now we have Captain Kangaroo? When is this insanity going to EEEEENNNNNNNDDDDDDDD?"

"What's next?" Paine asked, "Seseme Street? The Electric Company?" Somewhere, someone yelled out, Hey you guuyyysssss! and Paine turned into her gunner sphere dress and blew him out into nowhere.

Same scene, take five.

And yet again Yuna viewed the sphere. In this recording …

A naked hairy, bald man wearing a shower cap, and scrubbing his hairy back in his bath tub appeared. He was singing to himself, and as he turned to look at the camera his eyes went wide as he tried to cover himself up with the shower curtains. "AHHHHH-A, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA!"

"Oops, whoopsie," King Triton laughed nervously. He swept in and took the sphere from Yuna. "Sorry, my bad, this was a gag reel from my show."

From out of the darkness another high pitched, annoying voice snapped, "From whose show, trainee?"

King Triton sighed and looked at his tail fins in despair, "From yours, oh mighty overlord." He sighed again and slinked off into the shadows.

Paine looked into the camera and shook her head. "If we don't get this scene right in the next couple of takes, I'm going to cut my eyes out and force feed them to my damn agent."

"Now this is what I'm talking about!" Wind Seal laughed.

"And who are you?" Paine asked.

"Just another reviewer of Vanguard Ziggy," the fan said.

Scene finished in seven takes.

Yuna and company talk about the holes in the temples scene.

Yuna's group exited the temple and the blue flames in the orbs turned back to normal. After that, they boarded the Celsius. In the bridge …

Rikku groaned, "Mmm … I don't get it!"

Shinra smiled, "Fortunately, I know everything."

"So why are fiends coming out of the temples?"

Shinra grinned wider, "The fiends didn't come from the temples. They came from the Chambers of the Fayth."

Rikku blined, ready for the answer, forgetting it was scripted. "Right, exactly! But why?"

Shinra paused for a moment. "I'm just a kid."

Paine sighed and looked at Yuna, "The holes in the Chambers of the Fayth-were they there before?"

"No."

Rikku began piecing bits of the puzzle together, still forgetting she was in a game. "So the holes must be new, right?"

"There was one in Bevelle, too. A great hole …" Paine said thoughtfully.

Rikku shook her head, "But that one was made by Vegnagun, wasn't it?"

Yuna nodded, "That's true, but they're connected somehow."

Brother took a step forward, "The holes … are connected?"

"Yes, but it's more than just that. Somehow I think there are deeper connections."

"Ohhh… That is deep, Yuna." You skinny little twit, why couldn't they have given me better lines?

Viktor E. Frankl, an existential therapist from the nineteen forties walked forward and nodded his head. In a deep, Austrian accent he said, "Yes, deep, but does it say why we're all here in the first place?"

Brother looked actually excited, "Oh, that's deep too!"

Buddy looked at his friend and blinked, "What the…?" He grabbed Frankl by the collar, "Get out of here would you? It's crazy enough without dead European head shrinks coming onto site." He threw him off set, walked up to Brother and slapped the back of his head.

Wayne groaned and sighed. "CUT!"

Scene finished in two takes. 


	4. Chapter 4

Ziggy's Corner: Okay, Part Four! This chapter has the most humorous scene of the whole series, both my brother and I nearly wet ourselves laughing at what I wrote, and for my brother, that's no small feat! Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER FOUR

The girls try to find Tobli Scene.

Tobli ran away and Yuna's group and the man ran after him. Then a shoopuf went the other way scaring the man away. The girls than ran after Tobli. Yuna was out of breath, her chest rising and falling, but she smiled. "Finally caught up to him."

Jedi Master Yoda turned and smiled instead of Tobli. "What can I do for you girls, hmmmm?"

Rikku's face flushed and she stomped a foot, "AH, not again!"

If Rikku was angry, then Paine was a volcano ready to erupt. "Another damn cameo!"

Yoda looked down at them sadly and shook his head, "Anger is a path down to the dark side. With much calm, you must walk young ones, hmm?" He chuckled his trademark laugh, and tapped the ground with his staff.

Yuna frowned and craned her neck downward; sure she had seen motion near Yoda's rear side. This made the Jedi freak out, and he batted his hands back and forth as his eyes grew wide. "NO, no! Away from my hinnie you must stay!"

Rikku frowned, following her cousin's gaze and gasped. "Um, isn't that Frank Oz down there? My God where is he putting his hand!"

Paine smiled, "I hope he remembers to wash his hand before he eats!"

Yoda shook his head. "Laugh like I do, you would, if Frank Oz had his hand up your butt." Frank moved his hand slightly, and again Yoda laughed. As he did so, Mace Windu walked by and shook his head.

"That explains soooo much."

Meanwhile, Mike Nelson, Crow, and Tom Servo from Mystery Science Theater 3000 happened to walk by (no one in the crew could understand where these people were all coming from) and looked at what was going on.  
Crow turned to the other robot and nodded in Yoda's direction. "Hey Tom, I have a guy with his hand up my rear too, but I don't laugh like that, why not?"

"You know, I thought I was the only one with a guy sticking his arm up my ass," the other robot replied.

Mike waved a finger, "No, no you guys you don't have Frank Oz diddling with you up there, that's the difference."

"Ohhhhh."

As they walked passed, Rikku shuddered and blinked, "Okay this is really creeping me out."

Yuna nodded, "Seriously."

Yoda with a nod and a frowned, turned to leave. "Go I must now." As he began walking off, he let out waves of high squeaky toots, clearly making Frank Oz nauseous.

Frank Oz waved his arm in front of his nose, and gasped for air, "Damn YODA!"

Yoda looked at him sympathetically, yet sternly. "Told you I did; beans, cheese, and eggs make a dark combination. Perhaps learn you will one day." Yoda continued to walk farting and making Frank Oz nearly toss his cookies.

Wayne Brady stomped his foot and sighed, "Can we go without one day without any bloopers?" As soon as he asked, Prince Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender dashed by, covering his nose. Soon his little sister, Zula came dashing by.

"Stop," she howled.

"Not until you agree to wash your armpits," the prince shouted back.

"Okay this makes no sense," Hotspur, yet another Vanguard Ziggy fan sighed.

"Seriously, if anyone should have body odor it should be Aang's group," ML7, yet another fan of the writer's Avatar fanfics said with a shake of her head. "At least we see the fire nation members bath regularly."

Wayne sighed in disgust, throwing down his notebook. "Forget it, it's not worth this!"

Scene finished in two takes, after Hayao Miyazaki is hired, in hopes of getting some sanity brought back to the set. Drew Carey is hired as his assistant.

The girls go to fight the fiend before the concert scene.

The girls reached the back of the cave, and came face to face with the fiend threatening everyone's fun.

Rikku's eyes exploded as she saw who it was. "OOOHHHH, NOOOOOO!" They saw a large lizard, just as they had been told, that much was true, but it was a six foot, purple and green dinosaur that stood around and giggled, as several children looked up, hypnotized by the beast.

Barney looked gleefully at the little zombies, and the money he was going to make off of their parents. "Okay kids, who wants to sing a song about the joy and wonder of Springtime?"

Paine growled and tightened her grip on her sword, "Oh he is going down!" That brought a vile snarl from the dinosaur.

"They're mine, you little snots! Before you even think you can fight me, you must face my death squad!" He threw down four multicolored balls, and four alien creatures with televisions on their stomachs appeared. "Teletubbies, Teletubbies kill the heroes," he sang.

The multicolored aliens raised their tiny fists and shouted in high pitched voices, "KILLLLLLLLL!"

The girls made quick work of the five preschool villains and brought the children safely to their parents.

Scene finished in two takes.

The 1000 words song scene.

Yuna looked at the large group of people, smiling. It was another chance to prove to the promoters that she could sing; that she was worth taking the multimillion dollar deal on. She opened her mouth, "One thousand years ago, before the time of Sin…Spira was torn in two, divided by a terrible war. This was Spira's great mistake. Out of the rift left by this terrible conflict, Sin was born. In only two short years, Spira has shaken off its unhappy past. We have moved on. Now, Spira grows brighter with each passing day. That light is our strength. I don't want to see it fade. Do you? There are so many of us, each with different ideas and different beliefs. Of course we sometimes disagree, and arguments will happen. But our hearts can and should always be one." As she spoke, another woman began matching her word for word, "Believe with me: Even if we're torn apart, our feelings will unite us. That's what this song is about."

A dome rose behind her, and opened to reveal Squidward and his Bikini Bottom band, they began to play, with SpongeBob Squarepants singing the song, "Sweet, Sweet Victory." It moves the crowd to tears.

Yuna, fearing her chance of stardom slipping, growled at the Sponge, "Hey, this is my scene, buddy." She took out her guns and blasted the band bck to Bikini Bottom."

Same scene, take two.

"That's what this song is about."

A second dome arose, this time with SpongeBob alone. He pushed her from the Celsius, apologized to the crowd for his actions, tried to explain himself, and then burst forth with the rock song, "I'm a Goofy Goober." The crowd went wild yet again, and SpongeBob was awarded with a billion dollar record recording which sold off the shelves in a matter of minutes. Unfortunately Goofy had his feelings hurt, and went to sue SpongeBob for the name copyright theft, but before he could make it to the top of the Celsius, he tripped over a wire, pushed Lendd down the Vegnagun Pit and went screaming off into the horizon.

It was too much for Yuna, and she screamed, "All right, I've had IITTTTTTT!" She blasted SpongeBob back to Bikini Bottom, where he missed the town, and crashed down, down, to Rock Bottom.

A shadow walked up to him, a human wearing a hood of pure black, and from the unconscious SpongeBob, the villainous Plankton appeared, holding an itty bitty red colored light saber. "I have good new for you my lord; Yuna is one step closer to the dark side of the Force." The shadowy figure smiled down at him and nodded approvingly, holding his hands close together in bunny rabbit fashion.

"Well done, Lord Tinyeous, all is going according to plan," Darth Sideous crocked.

The Dark Lords of the Sith walked together, and then Darth Tinyeous (aka Plankton) stopped to look at his master. "You sure this will get me the Krabby Patty formula?"

Darth Sideous looked down and nods, "Eh, couldn't hurt," he said in a comedic, Three Stooges accent.

Scene finished in three takes. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ziggy's Corner: Okay, this is it! The Final chapter to this story! At the end I'll thank all who reviewed, not individually since this isn't allowed, but I'll at least mention your names. That should be okay.

CHAPTER FIVE

Wakka greets the girls with the good news, scene.

Wakka ran up as fast as he could, "Hey!" As he appeared, and ran closer to them, he stumbled over a thoughtlessly positioned couch. The Blitzball captain fell flat on his face. "Ouch"  
Paine giggled, "Dick Van Dyke he's not."

Rikku frowned and looked at the other woman, "Dick Van Who!"

The crew laughed and aided Wakka to his feet.

Same scene, take two.

Wakka appeared, ran closer to them and then once again tripped over the couch. "The HELL? I thought someone moved this thing, ya?"

One of the Aurochs approached and moved the couch out of the way. "Sorry Wakka."

Same scene, take three.

Wakka appeared, albeit cautiously and when no danger was in sight, sprinted to the girls, tripping on a rock and landing on his leg. "God damn it!" he groaned, holding his knee.

Paine shook her head, "The man can help destroy Sin, and lead his team to victory over overwhelming odds, but he can't run and talk. Sad."

Wakka grit his teeth and wheezed, "Ha ha, very funny."

Same scene, take four.

"Hey!" Wakka appeared. "It's a boy! You wanna meet him?"

Yuna smiled wildly, "Yeah!"

In the village, Yuna's group talked to Wakka and Lulu, who was holding the new baby.

"Ur, ra ec cu lida! (Oh, he is so cute!)" Riku squealed. Damn little troll is going to upend me in the cute department here!

Yuna smiled, touching the tiny little digits, "Look at his hands! They're so tiny!"

Lulu handed over the child to his "Aunt" Yuna, an he proceeded to puck on her. "OH MMMMYYYYY GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!" Yuna screamed. The crew roared with laughter and Lulu quickly took back the crying baby while Yuna tgried to clean herself off.

Wakka held his breath to hold back the laughter lodged in the back of his throat. "So you still think he's cute, Yuna?"

Rikku stock out her tongue, her skin turning pale. "Ew, what did he eat that made it so green like that?" Again the crew burst into hysterics.

Same scene, take five.

Yuna was still grossing out over the vomit on her shirt, and Tidus came to help her out, as the cat and crew's laughter could not be abated.

Same scene, take seven.

Still no one could stop laughing from the incident.

Same scene, take ten.

"Look at his hands! They're so tiny!" She was cautious, as she looked at the child an up into the eyes of the older woman.

Lulu handed over the child to his "Aunt" Yuna, and the baby practically exploded in an ocean of pee. It started as a little trickle, then more came, and then the entire body burst with pee. It turned out that this "baby" was a machina, used because the real one was tired from all the excitement.

Yuna shook of the piss from her hands and fingers and looked bitterly at the cast and crew. "Okay did all of you plan this!"

Rikku giggled and elbowed her cousin, "Oh come on Yuna, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you."

"Oh yeah, I'm just roaring with laughter, that's why you can't hear me." She tossed the broken doll at her cousin, who squeaked with horror as pee went on her.  
Rikku dropped the doll and glared at Yuna evilly. "Dryd'c hud vihho oui celgu! (That's not funny you sicko!)." The crew exploded into laughter and the director let them go for the night.

Scene finished in eleven takes.

Beclem prepares to leave Besaid scene.

Beclem looked at the girls and crossed his arms as they talked. "Has Wakka settled on a name for his kid?"

Yuna shook her head, "No, not yet."

Beclem sighed and looked at his feet. "Never could make up his mind." He went to leave, but stopped for a moment. "I have something here. I'd like you to give it to him." He gave a sphere to Yuna. "It's a memory of a war buddy. I'd give it to him myself, but … You understand."

Yuna's group received the War Buddy Sphere.

A man shouted from the top of the ship, "All aboard! We'll be settin' said shortly!"

Beclem turned to the man and looked back at Yuna, "See he get's it."

A blitz ball zoomed by, but Beclem swiftly dodged it, a little smug on his face, until a second hit him in the face. "Oh, damn it!" With his hands covering his face, he didn't see a third ball soar right for the gonads, and strike him straight on. "SHIT!" As he covered his now sore front bottom, a fourth ball his him once more squarely in the face, tossing him into the ocean.

Before the girls could do anything to help, blitz balls started flying everywhere, beaming everyone on the cast and the crew.

Keepa's voice echoed through the beach, distressed and worried, "Someone help, the Blitzball machine's gone wild!"

The camera crew was hit in the legs, Logos was knocked out when one hit him in the back of the head, somehow one managed to shoot up and beam Brother in his family jewels, and he was on board the Celsius set!

Brother grabbed his two litle buddies and screeched like Michael Jackson in one of his concerts.

"A Michael Jackson impersonator, on board with me?" Shinra asked. He turned to the camera, "Suddenly I feel like I'm not safe any more."

As the chaos ensued, with chaos from Xenosaga crying like a little baby in the beach, next to an equally weeping Allen, Plankton stood forward with his red light saber, to challenge the threat, before sub coming to panic as a Blitzball came soaring toward him. "WAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTT, I WISH TO RULE YOU!"

Al Gore appeared out of no where, and flun his arms about. "AND I INVENTTTTTTTEDDDDDDD YOU!"

Plankton looked at the former vice-president and frowned, "Wait, I don't understand, what's going on? What are you doing here?"

Al Gore shrugged as the blitzballs froze in mid air. "Got nothing' else to do"  
Plankton nodded and shrugged himself, "Hm, good point. Shall we?"

"After you." Both of them screamed like little weenies right before the were crushed. A second later, Darth Sideous walked by and sadly shook his head.

"I lose more apprentices that way." He took a bite from a Krabby Patty and looked at it approvingly. "These are pretty damn good after all!"

Yoda nodded as he walked next to the villain, holding his own Krabby Patty, while his thighs got larger. "Tasty the are, but not as good as it feels to be free from Frank Oz's hand they're not!" Frank Oz was lying on the beach, totally knocked out by dozens of blitz balls. Yoda threw back his head and began laughing like a totally high pitched SpongeBob.

Squall Leonheart, racing by trying to battle the battalions of blitzballs, looked at him and shuttered. With his attention deflected he ended up getting knocked out after on hit his scar. The Balamb Garden crashed into Sportacus' Air Ship, which crashed into Cid's air ship, and all went down.

"You see," a freaked out Robbie Rotten cried, trying to avoid the balls that were flying all over the place. "This is what you get for exercising. I've been trying to tell you all along!" A seonc later a massive blitzball rolled next to him, ala a scene from Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and the lazy villain screeched like a little girl. "No, no! You stay away from me! I'M NOT ON THE MENU!" Off he went, to parts unknown.

"This rips," Eddie cried, from Ed, Edd, and Eddie, "I'm not even making any cash off of this!" A jawbreaker sized blitzball jammed into his mouth, and he dropped into unconsciousness.

"Bloo, you're not responsible for this, are you?" Mac snapped.

"Mac, I'm, surprised at you. Why would you think that?" Bloo asked, holding a sign that said he was one hundred percent not guilty. Both friends were crushed under the onslaught of blitzballs wearing Mongol armor.

"Run my little Smurfs," Papa Smurf preached. "It's the Smurfing end of the Smurf Damn Smurfing world!" Their mushroom houses were crushed, and despite everything they tried, there was nothing Danny Phantom or the Elric Brothers from FullMetal Alchemist could do to rectify it. General Mustang might have been able to help, but he had given into temptation and was now making out with Hawkeye.

"I'll end this!" a fan called VampyreQueen24 called out, refusing to listen to the other fans of this story. She cut half a dozen blitzballs in half and sent tens of thousands away crying with bobos before she herself was cut down.

"Poor VampyreQueen24," another fan, Janiqua sighed, with Warui-Usagi, and I've Got a Secret nodding.

"I could have told you that would have happened," Jen0va said. Before they could be crushed, giant hungry blitzballs rolled after them.

Nothing was stopping the blitzballs, not the Madballs' heroics, the Care Bears' Love Stare, He-Man's strength, GI Joes' weaponry, Rainbow Brites' color powers, Samurai Jack's blade, Obi-Wan Kenobi's and Anakin Skywalker's abilities, not the combined power of every Final Fantasy Heroes and Heroine, or the Justice League, the Teen Titans, Puffy AmiYumi, or the Avengers could stop it.

Naruto, Zatch bell, Monkey D. Luffy and his pirate crew, The Autobots, the Decepticons, Unicron, everyone from the Go-Bot's Universe, She Ra, the Evil Horde, no one could stop it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer came closest to stopping the mayhem, but she decided to take a break, and make out with Angel. VampyreQueen24 pulled herself out of the balls, and kicked both their butts, before being chased by carnivorous balls herself. Bodies were dropping like flies. Even the mighty nonsense of BoBoBo-Bo Bo-BoBo and his crew could not end the insanity.

"Brago, let's end this," Sherry called out, dressed in a hot pink and yellow bikini, the spell book in her hand glowing like never before.

"Screw that, I'm going home to the Mamodo world where it's safe," her partner shouted, grabbing the book from her hands, and tearing it up.

"Wait take me with you!" Admiral Zhao screamed like a ninety pound weakling, as the water spirit from episode 20 continued to chase him, making eyes at him as amorous as anything King Kong could do with a blonde superstar!

"Extra, extra, blitzballs on the attack, King Kong and Godzilla get mixed up in a love rectangle with Jessica Simpson and Nick," Heidsuka, a fan of Ziggy's from the Sly Cooper fan link at cried out, waving a paper about.

"Pikachu, let's go!" Ash cried, before being attacked by a zombie.

The dead body frowned, released his grip and walked away, "Sorry, I though you were Ash from the Evil Dead movies," he said in a heavily British accent. "Well, guess I'll try and see if I can't get a part from Shaun of the Dead 2!" and off he went. Meanwhile Pikachu was off in a peaceful part of Besaid Beach, enjoying his honeymoon with his new wife, Ranamon, from Digimon Season 4.

"Pikachu got married to Ranamon!" Beauty cried, but no one could hear her over the screams of the cast, and the roar of Takeshi and his teammates mechs, as they had challenged Coop and Megas to a raqce, the winner taking home Sly Cooper's family vault. If they only knew what was in it.

It opened, and to everyone's surprise, Sly and Carmelita were laying in their underpants on a bare skin rug, feeding each other strawberries. "Er, um. We can explain," Sly began.

The judges of the race were the two headed commentator from Star Wars Episode I, of the Podrace Scene. Along with Juri from Yu Yu Hakashu, and Doujima from Witch Hunter Robin. "Life is good," the alien speaking head said, as they were coddled by the two women.

"It certainly is," said the Basic speaking head.

The scene was a total reminisce to the old Universal Studio's Let the Guests make their own movie set, except blitzballs were flying, instead of pies, Bruce the Shark from Jaws movies made a cameo, as did the old Cylons from the Old Battlestar Galactica series. Weirdest and nastiest of all, was the sight of the male Starbuck from the old series making out fast and furious with the female Starbuck in the new series. And even, OHHHHH, SHIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!

(Author's notes, sorry I was just beamed by one, we'll return to the story already in progress. Thank you for your patience. Um, but could someone please tell me how I ended up married to Shelinda? Seriously which one of you fans married us?)

Scene finished in two takes, after the Blitzball machine was utterly destroyed. The culprits (apprehended by Rin) turned out to be none other than Steve Urkel and Pee Wee Herman. The two were given life in the undergrounds of Bevelle, right next to Michael Schiavo, and all three were forced listen to Tiny Tim on the Ukulele sing, "Tiptoe through the Tulips" for all eternity. Why Schiavo was there, no one knows, but fate has a way of righting wrongs when people can or wont.

Mount Gagazet -- Discussion between Garik and Kihmari scene.

Garik looked at Kihmari and frowned. "Elder, what path should Ronso walk? Garik want to know!"

Kihmari studied him for a very long time, "Garik must be patient."

The younger Ronso shook his head, "Garik feel hate, try to stop. But without path, hate is strong. Garik lost to hate. Garik rather unleash anger than go mad searching for path Garik cannot find!" As soon as he was finished speaking, Yoda hobbled up.

"Hatred is a path to the dark side of the force, let go of your emotions you must!"

Rikku rolled her eyes and groaned. "Will this little green turd ever stop? Where is security?"

Thinking the computer enhanced puppet was a big pile of steaming green beans, Garik picked him up and ate him. His pupils shrunk and he batted his head back and forth. "Whoa, dudes, this is like totally bitchin'!" He said in a strong California surfer bum accent. Yoda broke free, by giving Garik an atomic wedgie using the Force and smacked Garik, which sent him back to reality.

"Ah, man. Bummer," the massive Ronso said, using a combination of both Ronso and Surfer bum accent.

Miyazaki rushed to his feet and shouted the word, SSSSSSSEEEEEEECCCCCCCUUUUUUURRRRRRRIIIIIIITTTTTTTYYYYYYY!" Drew Carey could have helped, it he was not recovering from the blitzball incident.

Scene finished in two takes.

The girls find the AMAZING Chocobo scene.

The wall opened up and the groud stood face to face with the largest, yellowest bird they had ever seen, holding a teddy bear in his left wing. Big Bird blinked nervously as he held his little teddy bear. "Um, could you ladies help, Radar and me find our way to Seseme Street?"

Both Miyazaki and Drew Carey cried out in unison, "Oh for God's Sakes PEOPLE!"

Same scene, take two.

Rikku cocked her ehad and sighed, at Clasko and the Chocobo. "Aw, they're Choco-bonding!"

Yuna giggled, "They make a cute couple, huh?"

As the girls turned to leave, the camera picked up Clasko snuggling with the Chocobo and then panic and scream as the giant bird started to attack and bite his head.

I mean it you guys, which one of the five of you (so far) married Shelinda and me! Her cooking rocks, but all she wants to do is read normal stories! She says I'm kinda weird in writing stories like this!

Clasko wailed for help, his arms flying like flags in a windy day. "Lady YUUUUNNNAAAA!"

This time it was Drew, happy that this was the last day of filming to speak, "CUT, someone get that bird and dork off this set!"

Scene finished in three takes.

Author's final notes: Sorry folks but that's all I got. It has taken me very nearly a year to write this, and I'm a little bittersweet to see it end. In the end, I have had a blast and found I enjoyed Lampooning things. This was the first time I tried this, but it wasn't the last lampooning I ever wrote, as I'm currently working on the BoBoBo Files, and am coming up with a sequel to my Admiral Zhao Reincarnation story.

This story was originally for the forums at But when I started writing for I could think of no better story than this to submit, and no better final home for it that here. I suppose I could have kept it in script form, as some writers do here, but I had read that was forbidden, and so I switched to story form, adding a lot to the story in the process, such as the Blitzball attack scene in this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it.

One of the people I would like to dedicate this story to is the late Pope John Paul II (the Great I like to call him). I tend to be more conservative than my writing lets on, and his holiness was one of my heroes, thus why I put him in the story. I pray that he can truly rest in peace. The other people who I would like to thank, are my kid brother, Matthew, who read and cracked up at this story, even when the folks at did not really find it interesting. I thank my mom for enrolling me into writers school, and my teacher Donna, for helping me better learn the craft. I thank my sister, for letting me use her internet connect, and God for loaning me this talent.

I also want to thank my reviewers, I've Got a Secret, Janiqua, Warui-Usagi, Jen0va, and VampyreQueen24 (who at this time seems to have earned her spot as #1 fan of this story, unless someone more fanatical comes along. Just know that you are part of a long list of number ones from different stories, and answer only to the Ultimate #1 fan, the one who discovered me, TheShoelessOne. Being a #1 fan entitles you to command the lower fans, basically lord it up in Ziggy fan paradise with your contemporaries, AND you get to curse anyone who say bad things about this story, any way of your choice … plague their crops, put a disease on their cattle, etc. Sound good?), and to Wind Seal who liked the way I veered of course a lot. All of your kind comments kept me going, when I thought of stopping, so thank you soo very much! Hopefully there will not be any underlines with these three chapters. If I get any more reviews before submitting I'll add you to the story, and put you in the thank you list here too. Okay, that's all, thanks for coming. Get outta here, NOW, seriously! Shelinda expects me to perform my husbandly duties, and I can't do them with an audience watching! It just wouldn't be decent!

"Haven't you taken out the garbage yet!"

Sigh, yes dear. I'll get right on that. No kidding guys, which one of you preformed the marriage!

"That's right," Shelinda snapped. "Whoever did it, needs to step forward now, so I can thank him or her properly."

THE END. 


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